"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize