epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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