We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
