Can i not drive my cunt home
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
