Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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