Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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