Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
