Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
