No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
