My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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