Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
