Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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