Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
