I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
