The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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