i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
