just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize