mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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