Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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