If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
