a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
