And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
