Porn is love you can see.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
