How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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