Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
