I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
