12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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