I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
