I just saw a hot homeless man
thus making me awesome and them whores
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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