I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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