Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
