I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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