you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She said her name was "party"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize