wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
