Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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