I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just had sex bonerless
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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