Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
