4 words: hood of his car
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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