In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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