what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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