he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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