Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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