And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
