Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
