Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
