If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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