Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
