I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
