i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
