he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
