STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
