I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
