I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
