I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
