Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
