An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
