they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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