O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
