you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
