What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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