honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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