he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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