After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's even glitter on my cock...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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