Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
