I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
