im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
