I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
