they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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