one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
