i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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