too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
